i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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