I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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