I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize