why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
