You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
