y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
