Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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