we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
