is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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