ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
