New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
