today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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