Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
