Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How does one acquire holy water?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
