So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
