This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
