I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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