id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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