dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
