Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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