Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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