you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
