He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
