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I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
