Your face is a jimmy john
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
