he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
