Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
