you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
