Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
