Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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