Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
