420 ftw
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I feel great
I just peed on a car
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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