The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
