Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It's just like the Real World with babies
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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