then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize