everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
