dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
