I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
