Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
