yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
