If that was your dad, he is hot
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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