Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize