So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
