I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize