Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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