I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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