woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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