Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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