dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
