I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
