The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
