So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
