Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
