I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
