am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
