he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We were destined to go to rehab together
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
