ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
