I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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