thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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