And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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