apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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