oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
