You can't special order awesome
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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