So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
