you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
