can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
