Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
