i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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