I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I want to be your penis for a week.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
