you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
