I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
