Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
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