life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
