All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
and she was petting her beer can
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
