that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How does it feel to date your dad?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
