literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
