So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
