i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
