I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize