If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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