It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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