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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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