my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
