I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
