You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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