Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
