I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
