You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
