He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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