She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
