The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my shit smells like andre
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
