I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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