I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize