Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
no, he came in my armpit
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
